Life is Pain, Princess. Choose Love Anyway.

“You’ve been hurt, right?” I nodded, fogged by sleep. “In relationships? Sure.” She paused, collecting her courage. “Then why do you keep seeking out relationships?” I gave her an answer, one filled with the ideas of detachment, that future pain doesn’t invalidate current happiness, but I missed something. I missed something fundamental. I seek out […]

Remember that everyone’s illogical sometimes. Even (gasp!) me.

When someone acts – especially temporarily – in a way that doesn’t mesh with either what they say or how they normally behave, it’s important to not judge them too harshly while still reminding them of their ideals. Yes, of course a persistent disconnect between what someone says and does – or between their ideals and actions […]

The Positive Point Of Being Able To Be Hurt

Earlier this week, I got hurt. It was a very specific kind of hurt. While it resembled garden-variety hurt that happens to nearly everyone, nearly all the time, this hurt was tailored. Due to specific circumstances, it was very clear, and very obvious that it was intended to hurt, that the person doing the action […]

Deliberateness is not easy… but it is not hard either

The efforts in creating a safe space at Penguicon all have one characteristic – they’re about making the unconscious deliberate. That is also the feature that I appreciate most in relationship advice, whether it be general advice (but for poly folks), relationship anarchy, or navigating relationships that are not on the relationship ladder. Unlike the […]