Everything is Reasonable – From A Certain Point of View

"Are my expectations for a relationship unreasonable?" he asked.

Before I heard a single one of his expectations, I knew the answer was "probably not".

Your expectations for a relationship are another facet of expressing your boundaries and price of admission. What they are, and how important each of them are, only matter to the person(s) you’re in a relationship with.

There’s the examples most people think are "important" things – wanting kids, politics, religion – but your expectations and how important they are to you can be nearly anything that’s important to you.

Do you look at your phone on a date? Is looking at porn "cheating"? Will you date someone who is unemployed? How much time per day do you spend listening to music, or have the house be quiet?

And so on.

Their expectations may limit their dating pool (or prompt a difficult conversation with a significant other), but that doesn’t mean they’re "unreasonable".

The only thing to add to all this is that you have to know what those expectations are, and why they are there.

He also told me he was having trouble with his expectations and jealousy. "I just want to be the only one she’s interested in, like I’m special to her."

I pointed out to him that "only" and "special" are two different things.

It is possible to be the "only" one and not feel special or important. And it’s possible to feel special when you’re not the "only" one.

How does her appreciation of Chris Evan’s ass (it’s America’s ass, thank you) make him feel less "special"? Maybe my friend needs complimented more, but doesn’t notice it until his significant other compliments someone else. [1] Maybe it’s something else – but that’s for my friend to unpack, so he knows what his expectations actually are.

But then his expectations – like his boundaries and price of admission – are okay, because they’re his own.

Featured Photo by Victor on Unsplash

[1] Yes, this part is my speculation about someone else’s thoughts (I asked permission, thanks); also my artistic license applies to the whole thing.

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