People get upset when you create – and enforce – boundaries.
YouTube’s algorithms offered up this video to me last weekend, and it was well worth watching:
Because the central thesis is true:
Good boundaries free you.
Let me give you a non-relationship example.
Once at work, we decided to make an exception and take care of a referral after hours. It was an unusual case, and we weren’t busy that day, so it was no big deal.
What happened next should surprise no-one.
The person asking for the referral wanted another one a few days later. And a few days after that. And so on, until it became a regular occurrence.
When we tried to say no to the second, third, and fourth referral, the provider said “but you’ve done it before…”
You see where this is going. What was a single exception became the standard. That’s what happens when you let your boundaries get smashed by others.
Yeah, maybe it sucks for a few minutes (or hours) when you start to enforce your boundaries. But those few minutes are FAR better than the hours and hours and days of stress that comes about when you don’t have any boundaries.
Those who want to smash your boundaries will view it as a threat. It isn’t. Their reaction will tell you a lot about their intentions.
And if someone else points out how you’re running the abuser on a separate mental loop, know that they’re not attacking you. They want to help you by pointing out how someone else is abusing you.