Biology Is Not Respect: Something To Consider Before Pride

2 min read

It shouldn’t matter if anyone is "born that way".


There are some old essays I wrote back in the 90’s that were in defense of what we later would call "marriage equality" on a message board. They’re still on the internet archive (here and here) if you want to read them. I re-read them both recently, and I was struck by two big changes in my thinking between then and now.

The first is how much the conversation was limited by the posts I was responding to, and was limited by the framework they presented. Rather than focusing on equality, I spent a lot of time in both essays merely justifying seeing LGBTQIA+ people as, well, people.

The second is how much time I spent trying to argue that homosexuality was about how people were born.


There’s three things to address at this point.

First, for the younger folks, that was the argument at the time, and it really seemed like the only way acceptance would occur at all was if sexuality was solely a biological matter.

Second, yes, sexual attraction is largely biological. However, sexuality can shift and change. Sometimes that’s because a repressed portion of their sexuality has a chance to be expressed, sometimes it’s a chemical change due to other influences or life stages, sometimes it’s… well, we don’t know. It’s complicated, is what I’m saying; I don’t pretend to understand it fully, but I’m pretty sure sexual attraction is not just biology.

Third, and far more important than the other two: IT DOES NOT MATTER.


You do not need a justification for loving who you love. You do not need a justification for a consensual relationship.

End. Of. Story.

Your relationships really aren’t the business of anyone not directly involved in those consensual relationships.

Nobody has ever made me justify why I’m attracted to women. Nobody has ever made me justify the length of my hair, or why I wear the clothes I do, or anything else like that. I’ve never had to say "I was born that way".

And that is the experience everyone should have.

That’s why it doesn’t matter whether or not you’re "born that way".

You love who you love, and you don’t have to justify it. You are who you are, and you don’t have to justify it.

That is the equality we want, celebrate, and fight for during Pride.

Because it is not about biology.

It’s about love.

Featured Photo by Pawel Czerwinski on Unsplash

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