Relationships In The New Year

To get started, let’s dismiss a quick thought about polyamory:
The idea that poly people are more “evolved” is a myth. 
It’s a stupid claim, and anyone who claims it is deluded.
I’m sure you can find someone who thinks it and says it aloud or publicly. My point still stands.
There’s no one relationship model that works best for everyone. Even (most) poly people recognize this. One person’s idea of polyamory may – and probably will – look very different than another’s. Hell, there’s continual debate between the relationship anarchy folks and the heirarchy folks and other groups I simply can’t think of right now.
The sheer fact of being polyamorous means that any issues you have in your relationships can’t be glossed over indefinitely. They’ll come to the forefront faster than if you’re in a monogamous relationship.
Things like compersion and deliberateness are no longer optional; they’re requirements.
And these skills are freaking awesome in your relationships, whether you’re polyamorous or monogamous or somewhere inbetween.
But that’s not the biggest thing. That’s this:
You’ll screw up more. Possibly a lot more.
And as a result of that – if you’re paying attention to your mistakes, and how to fix them – is that you’ll get better at relationships.
A gentleman at Penguicon last year said “I’ve been practicing polyamory for twenty years – and I say practicing because I’m still getting better.”
Every relationship you have – every interaction you have – is an opportunity to learn and grow.
Especially when you screw up.
We often view “practice” as somehow lesser than actually doing. That’s a really depressing way of looking at it.
LIFE IS PRACTICE. We constantly practice. We constantly improve.
And if you’re not, if you think you’re somehow at the pinnacle of relationships, you’re simply deluding yourself.
As we hit the new year, I have a challenge for you:
Let’s all practice with our relationships this year. Whether they’re at work, online, romantic, platonic, it doesn’t matter.
Let’s practice. Let’s try new ways of relating. Let’s screw up. Let’s learn.
Let’s become better.
Happy New Year.

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