The Compendium Relationship Resource Post (Please add your resources in the comments)

Oh, crap, he’s still talking about relationships.

Yeah, I am.

First, I want to publicly express my gratitude and thankfulness to both friends and to the poly community of Dayton, both for their understanding and their wonderful examples of clear communication and healthy relationships.

Second, I want this to be a kind of link aggregator post – where I (and others) can point people when they’re having problems with their relationships.  I’m going to suggest a variety of resources here – and I think these are useful resources for anybody, regardless of what kind of relationship type you have.

Redefining Our Relationships: Wendy O-Matik’s book is what really started me on the road of intentionality in relationships, and is a good introductory read.  (Disclosure: I did the eBook conversion of this text, which is how I was originally introduced to it.)

The Ethical Slut: This book does a lot to explode the “default” ideas, so that you can start having some intentionality in your relationships.

More Than Two: On an interview with Cunning Minx (see below), the authors of this book said the highest praise they’d gotten was that some people realized that polyamory wasn’t for them. That communicates to me that their goal is helping people create the relationship(s) that works for them, instead of forcing a particular model on someone. You might guess that this appeals to me.  The tips at the blog (, especially those relating to jealousy, are helpful for everyone.

Non-Violent Communication: This is a way to be able to communicate your wants and needs in a way that respects others. Not only is it a great guide for reforming the way that you communicate… well, see below.

I would also highly recommend The Elephant Journal and Tiny Buddha as great resources.

Becoming familiar with these resources – again, regardless of what kind or type of relationship(s) you have – is a good thing. In my experience, the people who are predatory will have learned some of the terms and concepts outlined here, but won’t actually grok what is meant.

Some posts of my own that I refer back to:

The Relationship Escalator and Certainty In Relationships (Questioning is hard, but good)

Intent Matters In Relationships

The difference between boundaries and rules

Moving Beyond Toxic Empathy

Sometimes a logical fallacy isn’t a fallacy when you’re talking about human interactions

The danger of (emotional) self-diagnosis

the cardinal rule of relationships

There’s more than deciding to “round up” a partner

If there are particular posts or resources (of mine or someone else’s), please post them in the comments.

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