This is the third of our guest posts; they were originally posted on FetLife.
There’s three big reasons why I’m posting them (with permission).
- They highlight and dissect some of the preconceptions around polyamory.
They have a specific point of view and audience that may not be the same as my own (and that’s good).
They show that relationships – especially polyamorous relationships, but it’s true of all relationships – are individual things.
If you don’t know any of the terms (such as metamour), the glossary at morethantwo.com is a great place to start.
And since it needs to be spelled out, each post reflects an individual opinion and experience. Take it as such.
On with the guest post!
Recently my choice of lifestyle has been attacked by multiple people on here. I’ve been called not only a whore for choosing to be polyamorous, but told I can’t satisfy my anchor, which is why he needs other women.
If you are going to try and insult me please at least be intelligent enough to know your terminology. I do not charge my partners, therefore I couldn’t possibly be a whore. I am a self proclaimed slut. Please get it right.
As for my anchor not being satisfied? Bawahaha My Master is extremely satisfied with me. The fact that someone would think he is not means
- They know nothing about our relationship and
- they need to learn the fundamentals of polyamory.
Speaking of which, this would be a great time to point out “polyamory” means “many loves”. It does not mean “lots of sex”. WHAT?!? Poly people aren’t just running around having huge orgies every night? If you really think that then you are living in a fantasy world. In fact, you can be in a relationship with someone and not have it be a sexual one.
Gasp What? Yes, you read that right. Not all poly relationships are sexual. All you need are two people and feelings. Feelings? Yes, feelings. Poly relationships are based on feelings, emotions, communication – and trust.
The relationship itself can be emotional, mental, and/or physical. Sure, we can be having an intimate relationship with more then one person; but that’s our business, not yours. When it’s broken down intimacy (or sex, for the layman) is the expression of feelings. So when you love or have strong emotional relationships with others, there is a chance that a physical relationship will follow. Not always, but it is a very good possibility.
Yes, there can be those relationships that are purely physical – just like there are those that are purely emotional. It is up to those involved to decide what they are comfortable with, not you.
Let’s now touch on a partner seeking out others because they aren’t being satisfied by their current poly relationship. That is a bunch of hogwash. Yes, I’m sure it happens, but it is not the norm, nor is it healthy.
A healthy poly couple seeks out other partners because they are comfortable and confident with each other. They have love and happiness to share. They are not looking to replace things in their life, but to expand them. Sure some partners can offer experiences, play, and interest that other partners don’t have. But that just expands your knowledge and your own experiences.
I’ve just touched a little bit on the vastness of poly. Before you start passing judgement on others or speaking about something you know nothing about, please do our great community a favor; open a book, and educate yourself. Because your ignorance is showing.