It’s possible – and sometimes necessary – to do a bit of mental aikido in order to facilitate the better options that are your ideals .
I use aikido as an analogy purposefully; it is a constructed martial art, can be translated as “the way of harmonious spirit”, and is all about redirecting energy. In this case, you’re redirecting your own mental energy, purposefully, and it requires mindfulness to do properly.
A simple example: You find it easy to commit to taking care of someone else, but have a hard time taking care of your own needs. Upon reflection, you realize that in order to care for another, you must yourself be in good working order. You cannot take care of someone else without tending to your own needs. From there, you can use the mental motivation “taking care of another” in order to do self-care without it seeming greedy or self-indulgent.
This is the same strategy used with learning compersion (a skill you really want to have in a relationship). And like compersion, it sounds easy, but can be quite challenging in practice.
Framing it as mental aikido, though, reinforces that while this can be quite challenging, it’s a learned skill. A skill you can learn. A skill that you will sometimes fail at while practicing, but a skill you can always improve at.