There’s a fairly easy way for you to tell if your life and relationships are the way you want them to be.
Check if your priorities in your life are how you’re spending your time.
Seriously. Do it.
Think about the things and goals that are most important in your life. Think about the people who are most important in your life.
Are you spending the most time doing the things and goals that are most important to you? Are you spending your time with the people who are most important to you? Are you doing both in roughly the order they’re important to you?
If your priorities – whether the priority is a person, thing, goal, or anything else – do not match what you actually do, then there’s a problem.
Perhaps that problem is in the structures of your life. Perhaps that problem is because the relationship that you are in is toxic or codependent. Perhaps it’s simply because you’re not paying attention to what’s going on in your life, or not advocating for what you want or need.
Maybe you’re even lying to yourself about what your priorities are, mistaking the priorities of society or your parents or your friends or your lover(s) for the priorities that you want to have yourself.
But you can figure that out by listening to yourself. By looking at the areas where there’s discontent in your life. By listening to those you care about and where they’re sensing a disconnect.
Deep down, you know what your priorities are. If it’s not conscious knowledge, part of you already knows who and what is most important to you.
And if that’s not how your life is arranged right now, that’s okay. Now you have the knowledge you need to start making it right.