So, yeah. My divorce (second, for those keeping count) will be final tomorrow.
And it kind of sucks.
Even though I originally asked for it, even though I was the one who moved out, it still kind of sucks. There’s an emotionality that’s hard to pinpoint and hard to classify in words, really. Amanda Palmer does it nearly every time she sings (example: Trout Heart Replica, The Bed Song).
But those two aren’t quite right for this feeling. It’s the feeling of leaving the hell of high school and missing it while you venture into the exciting world beyond, the feeling of wanting to drive toward the old job with the shitty manager like you did for a decade while going to the new scary one.
Like I said, hard to express in words.
I happened to get off of work early yesterday, and spent half of the time playing with the Nuclear Kid. And I spent some of the time arranging this mixtape for myself.
And it pretty much sums up how I feel, eventually, somehow, in the midst of all its confusion and contradiction. As things end and begin.
You can click through on YouTube here, or it’s embedded below. It’s an hour to sum up the feelings at the end of a decade or so, but I think it does a good job. (If you’ve not used playlists before, it’ll automatically advance to the next video.)
How It Ends – Devotchka
Everlong – Foo Fighters
Us – Regina Spektor
Transatlantique – Beirut
Canvas – Imogen Heap
Heartshaped Handgrenades – Joe Anderl
Karma Police – Radiohead
Glycerine – Bush
Want It Back – Amanda Palmer & the Grand Theft Orchestra
Pretty Good Year – Tori Amos
Soma – The Smashing Pumpkins
In My Mind – Amanda Palmer
Open Road – Clear Horizon
Love Will Tear Us Apart – Joy Division