I don't know what this is - A 100 Word Story

This 100 word story comes from the worst possible timeline. The player below should have the audio for this week; if it doesn't, you can find the audio here to download. You can also read and hear the rest of the entries at the 100 Word Stories podcast site.

idontknowwhatthisis

It is layered deep.

Black words shift, sliding in interlocking shields, serifs sculpting sinister glyphs.

They guard it. They keep it from me.

My shears of punctuation and logic (pieced together with loci of syllogisms) puncture words, play havoc with layered defenses.

The words scream non sequitur shouts of agony and rage. I press on. "You should have!" Snip. "Immature ass!" Snip. "You didn't!" Snip. "You never!" Snip.

The last word screams "I'm leaving," but I snip snip snip it away.

I reach into the center of the fallen fortress to claim my prize.

I don't know why I'm alone.

A little bit of humor helps... or hurts

I was recently discussing a project proposal from Eric M. Bosarge, and we got on the topic of humor. And I found myself writing this semi-essay about humor, very appropriate since Community CAME BACK LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!

Anyway, after pointing out my posts on A Teaspoon of Equality and how humor is "not serious" pain, I listed some of the stuff I find funny.

Standup starts with Bill Hicks and early George Carlin, and some of Ron White, whom I suspect is both smarter than most of his audience and is VERY aware of it. Early episodes of Family Guy versus later seasons. Robot Chicken is about 75%-80% hits for me, but fat jokes leave me cold. Earlier seasons of Big Bang Theory - see Jim Hines' post here, which I agree with.

As far as sci-fi humor, Bill the Galactic Hero was okay, but tended too much toward sexism for my tastes now. The Stainless Steel Rat series, however, holds up pretty well, because I remember the Rat's wife being MORE competent than him... heck, see my review of Zelazny's most famous works to get a sense of what I mean.

I am a HUGE fan of Community and the UK version of the Office, Talledega Nights, the 40 Year Old Virgin, and Borat even though they're both horribly inappropriate (racist/sexist) at times. Largely, this is because when they ARE inappropriate, you're both laughing AND feeling horrible that you're laughing. Or you're laughing AT them, not WITH them... something that Family Guy has lost. We started out laughing AT Peter's asinine behavior - but anymore,
we're being coaxed to laugh WITH him.

When comedians poke at women ("Oh, she can't drive because she has the wrong chromosomes!"), ethnicities (I heard a NASCAR driver say "Polish lap" to describe driving backwards for a victory lap), fat people, etc... well, that just comes across as mean.

So what do you all think? What's funny? What's not?

Mind Reading in Business Relationships - Just Say No

In (healthy) relationships, you don't expect others to "mind read".¹ You don't expect them to guess your needs and wants - you make them known. There are some broad strokes - if your partner says they don't like chocolate, getting them a chocolate cake for their birthday makes you a douchebag - but within those broad
outlines, specific wants and needs must be made clearly and unambigously.

"I want to eat better and lose weight" means you probably shouldn't proffer doughnuts to your significant other (sorry!), but that does not mean you should intuit that means they want any specific kind of diet at home. If they want low-carb, or all raw-food, or whatever, they need to tell you specifically. If you make them a raw-food meal and they wanted South Beach, then they have to say that.

A business relationship is like any other kind. Do not expect your employees, co-workers, or collaborators to read your mind. This isn't saying that managers and employers should be hands-off or hands-on, macro- or micro-managers. Managers must understand their own needs and desires, and act appropriately.

Some folks do well by giving really broad goals and guidelines and letting employees "on the ground" figure out the best ways to do that. Others want adherence to a very specific and set regimen. Neither is "better" - they each have strengths and weaknesses. When you choose one of these styles, you must own both the strengths and the weaknesses.

Here's a non-management example: I don't keep a lot of Alliteration Ink's inventory on hand. The POD system typically works well for me as a variation of just-in-time inventory. The upside is in storage and transportation costs, as well as the up-front investment in inventory. The downside is that if I experience a spike in orders - say, at a convention - I can run out of inventory before everyone gets a physical book. I have to be able to own both the benefits and the drawbacks of my decision.

Again, I'm not telling you that you should interact with your co-workers and employees in any specific way. I am saying you should choose what you're going to do - and tell the people you're working with.

---

¹ Yes, I expect to see relationship-based psionic stories
now, thank you.

Authors - read this so you don't fall victim to brainwashing techniques!

In the last two years, I've discovered a lot of brainwashing techniques in the realms of independent and self-publishing. A lot. And it's something that you have to guard against all on your own.

You've probably already fell victim to one.

Here's a hint: It's the title.

Yeah, I know. Kinda crappy of me. There really isn't a substitute for experiencing this stuff, though. Everyone thinks they can keep from being swayed by a fad or scam... until it's too late. There's a great guide on Lifehacker that's worth reading, but I want to show one particular example.

Big disclaimer - I am not asserting intent here. I am stating what was written, and what it looks like to me. That's why I'm not using real blog names. YMMV. Also: I disagree with Amazon's monopolistic tactics.

So indie-publishing blog A recently posted this quote from blog B:

Some of you may not agree with Amazon’s monopolistic tactics, and that’s okay. Some of you, however, have jumped in with both feet. As an independent author, I’m in favor of KDP Select. My first promotion brought me into Amazon’s Top 100 (#55 Paid) and completely transformed the sales of all my books.

There's a problem that the quote from blog B was actually a guest post, and the better-known host of blog B actually said (in the intro to the guest post):

I came down against the [KDP] program overall based on my experience.

This is kind of like Bill O'Reilly introducing Jon Stewart, then quoting Stewart's words as if he were Bill O'Reilly. Of course, it seems to just be sloppy citations, but it's worth noting. I mean, if you miss something that obvious, how closely are you reading the rest of what you recommend? 

But that's sidetracking, because the quote itself bothers me. It reminds me entirely too much of a high-pressure sales technique I encountered when I "interviewed" at a multi-level marketing firm.

"This opportunity isn't for everyone. I am not trying to convince you. Some people just can't get it. Not everyone is able to see the chances in front of them, or is wise enough to [take advantage of opportunity]."

See the similarity?

Some of you may not agree with Amazon’s monopolistic tactics, and that’s okay. Some of you, however, have jumped in with both feet. As an independent author, I’m in favor of KDP Select. My first promotion brought me into Amazon’s Top 100 (#55 Paid) and completely transformed the sales of all my books.

I don't know that this particular post falls into the "brainwashing" category (there's some numbers offered at the back end), but it's not the only one. There's an awful lot of folks trying to convince authors that they, and only they, have the answers. And all you have to do is buy their book...

Keep your critical thinking hat on, folks, and while you keep your mind open enough to try new stuff, don't let your brains fall out either.

WHAT IS LOVE