Some of it seems to be organic, some of it has been due to some chronic pain issues that have flared, and some of it due to things going on in my life that aren’t fully in my control.
I’ll be okay, I guess. I’ve been burying myself – when I have the energy – in programming (hooray for things I can control) or working to set up for change with the things I can change in my life. There’s a number of people who are keeping an eye on me on the regular, and far more who are checking in on me intermittently. (::waves:: Thanks, folks)
I realize my pain and depression is far less than so many other people’s, and I also recognize that, on one level, pain is individual. Your agony might be my annoyance or vice versa.
On another level, I think about how the consequences of failure are not even at all. And how some people are more interested in amassing comfort for themselves than helping others. Where their personal victory – no matter how unethical – is better than doing the right thing.
Those who would say their expertise is everything until it’s time to blame another. Those who cheat and scheme until they’re the ones dealing with those who do the same. Those who value loyalty over doing what’s right.
And if nothing else, that such people still keep getting by gets me angry enough to keep going.