Yes, Virginia, I Realize That There Are Trolls (or Why I Keep Doing the Happy Holidays Thing)

Christmas 2006Why yes, I do lose my crap over people getting pissed off by “Happy Holidays”. (As always, I’m talking about the people who object to “Happy Holidays” or state that “Merry Christmas” is the only acceptable greeting, etc, etc, etc.)

Think about it for a second, and you’ll realize why.

No, it’s not because they all forget that it’s actually Advent now. (Though they do.) No, it’s not because most of the people pretending there’s a “war on Christmas” need to feel persecuted in order to validate their beliefs. (Though I suspect they do, or have been convinced they should by their leaders.)

It’s like all other things in the culture war1:

Liberals winning the culture war is the same net effect as a truce. Conservatives winning is scorched earth policies toward liberal values.


  1. If liberals “win”, conservatives can still do pretty much what they want with themselves and don’t lose much of their own personal liberty. Example: Nobody is forcing any straight folks to get married to members of the same gender.
  2. If conservatives “win”, they’ve clearly stated that liberals will not keep large chunks of personal freedom and liberty. Example: Conservatives don’t want gay people to get married. Ever.
  3. Therefore, liberals winning the culture war is the same net effect as a truce.

See the pattern? It’s the same as with the seething hatred toward “Happy Holidays”. (Yes, hatred. Because if you bother to object to someone wishing you “Happy Holidays”, you’re kinda being eaten alive by hatred.)

  1. If liberals “win”, we say “Happy Holidays”, and it covers Christianity2. Christians are still able to say “Merry Christmas” to each other.
  2. If conservatives “win”, anything other than “Merry Christmas” is mocked and treated with horror as being “politically correct”. Everyone besides Christians is excluded.
  3. Therefore, liberals winning the culture war is the same net effect as a truce.

Luckily, it seems to be not nearly as virulent as in past years. Maybe people are starting to realize that being a douchepuppet to others when they’re wishing you a happy holiday season is just … well, douchepuppetry.3

I can only hope.

1 I’m rephrasing the same post because I want it on this blog as well.
2 Christianity – and specifically Protestant Christanity – is apparently the default religion for conservative culture warriors.
3 Oh, and it makes your religion look bad, too.

Ah, hell. I just realized this will be the first Christmas without either of these dogs there. ::sigh::


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