I thought that a lot through my teenage years and my twenties. I did not date a lot, and a lot of my relationships self-destructed pretty quickly. And many of my older women friends tried to tell me I was wrong. They told me I was a great guy, and if they were ten or twenty years younger, they would have dated me themselves.
Of course, they were completely incorrect.
At least in saying that it was NOT me. Sure, they were telling the truth about thinking I was a good guy (or at least, I hope they were!). But it was just as much me as it was the women I was trying to go out with.
But here’s the key – that doesn’t mean that I was doing anything wrong. (Side note: I *was*; I had a big tendency to get really obsessive and melancholy. I was emo before emo, dammit.) Anyway, the women I was trying to go out with were expecting certain types of traits. They got these ideas from early experiences, friends, the media – you name it. (I could tell you about the three women who did the most to shape my ideas of attractiveness, but won’t.)
I did not fit their ideas of a good person to date. I was exhibiting traits that my older female friends – for whatever reason – found more attractive. This doesn’t mean any one group was inherently *wrong* – but it does mean that I observed a very real pattern of events. That is, I didn’t date a lot.
You can see that in any social situation. If you are a staunch Republican and find yourself constantly trying to interact with a bunch of equally ideological Democrats, you will soon think there’s a pattern there. And there is a pattern. It *is* you. But that does not mean you are what needs changing.
But evaluating whether or not that is a bad thing… that is a different evaluation entirely. I say, screw ’em.
Ignore the hairless apes.
Be a human.
Be the problems you wish to see in the world…
(yeah, I’m lookin’ at you, chica…)