Too often, people think they want independence.
They think they want to do “it” – whatever “it” might be – all and ONLY by themselves.
Then they’ll drive themselves to exhaustion trying to do everything “on their own”…and fail miserably.
What they really want is NOT some isolation-living-on-an-island type of “independence”.
They want to be heard. They want to stop being smothered.
That’s a big difference, and has to be handled completely differently by all parties involved.
I’m not talking about pretending that mansplaining is okay. I’m not saying it’s okay for people to just walk in and make decisions for other people.
I’m joining the chorus of people (Forbes, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Fast Company for a sampling) shouting that there is no such thing as the self-made person.
Nobody can do it by themselves.
And when people make the mistake of thinking they can, when they don’t consciously choose who helps them, you’re rolling the dice to see who shows up. Maybe it’s a good person. Maybe it’s a narcissist or an abuser.
But if you don’t choose who helps you, if you insist on trying to “do it yourself”, then you run the risk of running off the people who want you to be the best version of yourself.
Admit that you need help.
And then choose carefully who you let give it.