I really like you, but I have to break up with you before I don’t.

(I gotta start with this: This post isn’t about you. Really.)

Sometimes you get stuck in a negative loop with another person.

It doesn’t have to be anybody’s fault, really. You can even love each other and have it go toxic.

It can be bad luck, a small misunderstanding that snowballed, or any number of things that aren’t really important individually. You might be great people individually, but there’s something about the way you two interact at this point and place in time that goes bad.

It will grow into a pattern of negative behaviors that play out like the beats of a bad novel. Predictable behavior leads to predictable response.

And it’s hard to get out, at first, because the loops seem so normal and natural. But you do. You claw and fight your way out.

After you’ve been in a few of those loops, you know when they’re coming. (You can also be oversensitive, but that’s a different blog post.) You know when the other shoe is just waiting, hovering.

And with those, it’s almost easy to get out. You stuck around long enough to see where it was going, but not long enough for it to get comfortable.

Then there’s the one where things just feel… off. Something doesn’t feel right.

And that’s where it can be hard. Because you haven’t waited long enough for things to get bad. Because they haven’t actually done enough to get upset over, not really, but still…

It’s okay to leave.

It’s okay to recognize your reactions. It’s okay to recognize that, no matter how much you like that person, you can’t stay with them.

I don’t know who originally said or wrote this quotation (there’s lots of places that have an unattributed image of it under the title “Your Energy Speaks Volumes”), but it’s accurate.

Whenever you're with someone, notice how you feel. Notice if you feel guarded, sad, or uncomfortable. That's a sign that maybe you shouldn't spend much time with them. If you feel light, comfortable, safe, and happy, it's most likely a sign that this person is great for you.
Whenever you’re with someone, notice how you feel. Notice if you feel guarded, sad, or uncomfortable. That’s a sign that maybe you shouldn’t spend much time with them. If you feel light, comfortable, safe, and happy, it’s most likely a sign that this person is great for you.

(PS: This post isn’t about you.)

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