Learn that you’re not going to change thier mind.

One of the hardest things for me to learn was that some people are going to think whatever they’re going to think about you no matter what you do.

Usually the people that you interact with regularly, who know you pretty well, and who care about you will give you the benefit of the doubt and a chance to explain whatever it is you’re supposed to have done. Hopefully they will even use the construction the story I’m telling myself, or the irrational fear I have to signal that they’re willing to hear what your worldview is as well.

But sometimes you’ll run into the person who already knows-or rather they think they know-what the whole story is. No matter what you say or do, it will be parsed as part of their story and your worldview will be lost to them.

You can try to continue to convince them. But no matter what you say, their worldview will only harden. In fact the more you talk, the worse it will get.

It can be painful if that person who won’t hear you is someone you care about. The temptation will be strong to just try one more time, to say it just one other way.

Don’t.

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