An ex of mine would whisper “You’re mine.” in my ear, and I ‘d get pleasurable goosebumps, and whisper it right back.
It was what I wanted, after all. For us to mutually have that same feeling.
It didn’t last.
Many posts and articles have pointed out that saying “you’re mine” or “you belong to me” is really, really squicky in general. But more than that, it’s also a crappy way of loving someone.
When you’re saying another belongs to you, it’s possessive. Not just in the “owning people” way (which is bad enough) but in a way that undermines all of love’s ideals.
Because when you love someone, really, really love someone, it’s not about just trying to get a need met. It’s not about amassing the best significant other. It’s not about you.
It’s about the person you love.
As these similar quotations from Robert Heinlein and H. Jackson Brown put it:
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
“Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own.”
As a result, I don’t say “mine” anymore.
It’s a small change, but the more I think about it, the bigger the ramifications, the more important it seems.
It’s just a few words, the other side of a verbal coin.
I no longer whisper “You’re mine”.
I say “I’m yours.”