I listened to the audiobook version of Codependency – “Loves Me, Loves Me Not”: Learn How To Cultivate Healthy Relationships, Overcome Relationship Jealousy, Stop Controlling Others and Be Codependent No More by Simeon Lindstrom over the course of about an hour and a half during a long drive.
I pulled over about halfway through and called my amour.
“I just wanted to tell you,” I said, “that this book is amazing and may have helped me realize what’s causing my crappy behavior.”
There was more than that, of course. I rambled on about what, exactly, I’d suddenly have snap into place, but that’s beside the point.
But this book isn’t just for people who are (or suspect they are) codependent. I’m recommending this book to everyone.
If you’re unclear on what codependency is, or aren’t sure if you are codependent or not, the first two chapters of this relatively short book are worthwhile. But it’s when you hit chapter three – “The Characteristics of Mindful Relationships” – that the book has concrete, concise, and valuable lessons for everyone in any kind of relationship.
Even if you’ve done a lot of work on yourself and your relationships (as I have), this book is extremely valuable for its brevity and practical applications. As I’ve gone on about this book to my amour, I recognized that few of the things it snapped into place for me were new. What was beautiful about it – and why I’m recommending it for you – is how it put those things into practical language.
For example, too often people (like me) get academic and flowery when talking about the problems with jealousy. This book – despite its unfortunately long title – boils it down to two beautiful paragraphs:
For some bizarre reason, jealousy in relationships is seen as something of a compliment, even a little bit cute in the right context. If someone is jealous of your relationship, and you feel a little glad about it, what it really means is that you are pleased that someone else is, in some way, dependent on you. Rather than proof of their love, it’s proof of your ego being stroked.
In a mindful relationship, the partners are together because they want to be. The single thing that determines the quality of that relationship is the two of them – their compatibility, theirs plans. If they are secure in that connection, everything else is irrelevant. Nobody can “steal” anybody away, nobody need worry about wandering attentions.
This book quickly and succinctly highlights what’s good – and bad – about our concepts of romantic relationships, and points you in the direction of how to make them better.
Even if you’re a seasoned relationship guru, this small book is great to be able to read and re-read when you (inevitably) forget things and have to be reminded of them.
I highly recommend Codependency – “Loves Me, Loves Me Not”: Learn How To Cultivate Healthy Relationships, Overcome Relationship Jealousy, Stop Controlling Others and Be Codependent No More, and right now you can buy it for Kindle for only $3, or get the Audible version for $6.