So sorry to hear about this. I don't know if there is a good answer – and I do have some experience in the area. I tried several times over the course of my life and have felt that way as recently as a few years ago. For me, it ties into my depression, which is most prevalent on a seasonal basis – though not locked into just being seasonal. Situational things also affect me. Key for me has been vigilance, awareness, nutrition and lighting – followed by movement, exercise and just getting out. However, I am fortunate to have an understanding and supportive partner… but in the past it was about getting to the point, as you said, where I recognized the symptoms in time to break the cycle.

I can talk with my partner with her taking it as a threat. I am grateful for that. It rarely gets to that point, but there you have it. It can be done – and that is on her. She is the one who decides how she will take and react to the information I giver her. I cannot do that part. That part is her decision and path.

I wish I had an answer. I can only sympathize and share my own experience. Hang in there bud, change is the universal constant and I always tell myself, "Not today. I can always change my mind later. Just not today." Then I go try to do something to get me not depressed. Sometimes I have had to be on meds for it. I don't like them, but that did help when I quit drinking. That helped a lot too. Alcoholism and depression often go together. I don't know your situation, but that was a big part of mine. I now have 15 years sober. As I said, hang in there my friend – change is always just around the corner. Just give it time.