Being a solitary creature, mostly, I've had no experience with talking about it when those feelings are present, only muddling through it in some sick way or another and then talking about it after. Yours is not to worry whether it is taken as manipulation or threat at this point — these are your feelings, you are entitled to them, and those friends who recognize it for what it is will be there and will try to help. The fact that you were able to write this and share it shows strength, and a desire to pull out of what I know to be a suffocating hell walled in pain. You are loved. you will see this from the other side where the pain (not quite gone) is less, and manageable. no platitudes here, just experience. although I may have badly mis-spelled platitudes 🙂 can't google it to check and I'm useless without MS Word to red-line me! I'll see you saturday.