I believe that you are too hard on yourself for being glad someone "put up with you." We all are flawed and putting up with someone isn't enough for a relationship. Also, although I agree with you in general, there are some times when "not hating" is the best a person can do. My 1st husband did some really bad things that I cannot forgive him for ever. I don't hate him, but I will never like him. My kids love him because he is their dad and as long as he doesn't mistreat them then I am ok with it.