A few things that have been on my mind lately:
* Judge behavior, not the person.: …at least at first. This is a beautiful technique; it not only allows you to stay impartial but helps you keep your personal boundaries and standards so you don’t feel violated.
* Intent matters – but behaviors matter more: The person who meant to insult you is different than the person who unintentionally insulted you. But they’re both very different than the person who didn’t insult you at all. Another way to express this is “You can have perfectly understandable reasons for doing something, but still have not a single excuse.”
* Your relationship with someone is your own.: We all have different relationships with people. I might get along famously with someone you despise… or vice versa. It is a shitty friend (or parent, or business partner) who expects you to have the same relationships that they do.
* You don’t have time for destructive people.: This is a hard one for me to remember, but I’m trying. It’s far better – for your sanity, for what you’re trying to achieve – to create than destroy. If someone is pointing out a problem, and is willing to help fix it, then great. If they’re just calling you names? Go on your merry way and build something new.
These are some of my ideals – things I try to live up to. I appreciate it when friends point out to me the times I fail to live up to them.